Weddings are big deal in India. It happens only once here (well, most of the time at least). And after all those emotional tortures, Indian weddings are full of lively and clear characters. I recently had attended a friend’s sister’s wedding, and that wedding inspires this list (well, kind of). I hope you guys can relate and enjoy the list.
1. The great Indian relatives
They are the busiest persons in the weddings. Found moving at random directions at the speed of light after every 5 to 10 minutes, sometimes giving smiles at you if you happen to fall in their way, searching for the guy who was supposed to start the generator or the one who was sent to market for buying something important.
2. The facebookians
Reason to come to the wedding? 95% because it would prove to be a perfect time to take selfies and group photos with captions like ‘Me with my girl friendzzzz’ ‘TiMe pAsS cLicKz at @#%!’s wedding… hOw iZ iT guYz’ (only lames write proper spellings). Their motto: ‘Take as many photos as possible and let the world know you exist and miraculously had attended a F***ing wedding’.
3. The girl finders
They are sort of birds of prey. And if they are interested about anything in the wedding, it is ‘girls’. They are usually found in the group of 3 or 4, wandering their eyes like hungry vultures, spotting potential ‘suitors’ and makings plans inside their head how they should approach the girls and even plan pick up lines and conversations inside their head beforehand.
4. The Screw-fashion Uncle (Or the Khejriwal uncle)
They are endangered creatures. While everybody seems to put on their best attires and making sure that the make-up they are wearing should last the whole time and takes hours to get ready, there appears he, suddenly, throwing a plain shirt on, sometimes accompanied with a muffler, not giving a damn to fashion or looks, making others whisper among themselves, and because of him your hopes in humanity is restored.
5. The disco dancers
They don’t believe in any particular genre of dancing. They are a mixture of Govinda, Jeetandra, Mithun and Sunny Deol and sometimes the epic ‘Dashimi dance’. Their dance moves can make Michael Jackson suicidal. Their moves are best left in the 80s. You can’t make them stop dancing and neither can make them understand that they are behaving like monkeys who are overflowing with high sex-drive.
6. The dancing auntijis
So you think you can dance? Think again, because when they come to the dance floor you better make space and prepare yourself for a challenge. They might not know the steps of the songs that is being played, but they have the power to make you regret your presence there with their universal-steamy-nagin-dance-for-all-occasion and will make you pray that everything is just a nightmare and it cannot be real. While their husband and children hope they could get the superpower of disappearing away.
7. The lets-make-the-bride-feel-weird dudes
They are the people who never get exhausted from taking pictures with the bride, which they eventually delete without having a careful look or ‘CUT-paste’ them on their timeline. They are actually blind animals who can’t see the ‘let-me-die-in-peace-as###s’ expression of the bride when they snuggle beside her showing ‘victory’ and ‘satanic’ hand signs and even sometime doesn’t restrict themselves from cracking a cool-joke inside the ears of the bride.
8. The too-cool-to-dance dudes
This is where I belong. These are the people who has not come to the wedding by will, but because they are forced to. They doesn’t care who pulls them to dance floor and remains where they are as stubborn as a donkey and even if someone manages to pull them into the dance floor, they would stood there, staring here and there, feeling awkward, swing their legs a few times and they would return to their spot.
9. The Unidentified/Clueless
They are those who have been invited because they have become friends with a relative from one of the sides recently and beyond that they scarcely know anyone and are seen thus wandering clueless in the wedding, all alone searching for ‘that’ person. And while he wanders, people whisper among themselves. Some say he’s from the bride’s side some say they are from the groom’s side, and before they could know anything more about them, he is already gone eating his meal.
10. The next in line
They basically are the siblings of the marrying couple. They are seen wearing glittering dresses, looking all worried and busy but good still. They are the focal point of the wedding, targets of the opposite sex and are always reminded by the elders that they are the next in line.
11. The alcoholics
They don’t care what’s is in the menu. This question doesn't matter to them at all. The only think that revolves in their head all the time is when they will be ‘secretly signaled’ for the booze and that is life is all about. For them, the amount of booze they have is directly proportional to the level of awesomeness the wedding displayed.
12. The silent killers
Well, these attendants, according to most, belong to the most boring clan of mankind and sometimes those who invited them feel sorry seeing these people sitting in one place, talking with no one, staring at the ground and blame themselves for inviting them and making them feel out of the blue.
13. The random cute girl
She is one of the major factors to remember weddings. She wears a very bright and eye-catching salwar (sometimes in a saree), scents jasmine, smiles like a sacred fairy and make the young boys skip their heartbeat. She makes people make plans to approach her. Wherever she goes, eyes follow. But at the end of the day, nobody gets her, because she is already engaged. Sad ending.
14. The faultfinders
This species has not come to wedding to see a happy thing happen or enjoy an occasion in life. Their sole purpose of attending the wedding is to find faults. They are clearly experts and if you listen to them for a while, you will be amazed at how much sense their findings make. They notice the faults with the decorations. The corner which is 5 degree leaning. The excess salt in the food. How the arrangement of everything is terrible. And how life and everything about is imperfect and sucks. Don’t go near them.
Well, the list is never ending but my article should end here. Thanks for reading.
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